Everyone has AIDS

Last night, Sharky and I went to the dollar theatre to see Rent, and boy did it suck? Blow? Oh, it just plain whack! We shoulda saved his money (at $2 per ticket, he was a big spender) and watched my copy of Team America: World Police. The "Everyone Has AIDS" scene was quite an accurate depiction of Rent, which dragged on and on and on, making me wish that I would die (but not from AIDS).

So, why did I hate the movie so? Let's make a list, shall we?

1. Aren't musicals supposed to have some dialogue? I mean, the cast (except for Rosairo Dawson) had amazing voices, but JESUS H. CHRISTO, shouldn't they have spoken for at least 5 consecutive minutes before breaking into song?
2. I'm mad at Taye Diggs for marrying a man. OK, Idina Menzell is a celebrated broadway actress and really does have a beautiful voice, but I'll be doggon' if she don't look like a man in drag. Shit, she made the Angel character look more femme! And I think people with pasty white asses should not moon anyone!
3. Rosario Dawson. Bless her, but she couldn't carry a tune if it had a Prada handle. They engineered her voice to death. Was her voice anywhere in there? If not, they might've been doing the viewing public a service.
4. I can't see Anthony Rapp as anyone but Darryl from Adventures in Babysitting. That was one of my favorite movies growing up. I actually bought the DVD right before Christmas for my momma. "Nobody leaves this club without singin the blues!"
5. Jesse L. Martin and that shitty Santa Fe song. God, I love me some Jesse L. Martin. God, I hated that whole scene in the subway where they sang a song about owing a restaurant in Santa Fe. It was just dumb (I couldn't come up with anything more clever to say).
6. Where was all the AIDS? I mean, there was an occassional mention of AZT time, and a few AIDS support group meetings, but it really didn't make a statement at all about AIDS. I was expectin some quiltin or some more deaths or something. I left the movie thinking nothing about AIDS. I was actually more concerned about paying rent that was 2 years late.
7. Back to Rosario, or well, Mimi. That had to be the most ridiculous character in the history of film. On what planet is a smackwhore stripper with AIDS a good catch? Really? Can someone tell me where? Oh, and that whole waking up from dying to heard dude's song just made me want to rip my eyes out. I think Sharky actually threw a coke bottle toward the screen. I mean, she seriously popped up like she wasn't on death's door 2 minutes before. Then to top it all all, she saw a white light!!! JESUS, who wrote this shit? Oh yea, that guy who died of AIDS. My bad.

So Sharky and I sat through the whole horrid thing and felt dumber for having watched it. Actually, we agreed that Rent was more brokeback than Brokeback Mountain. In fact, now I'm going to take him to see Brokeback just to cleanse his mind of Rent.