Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Everyone has AIDS

Last night, Sharky and I went to the dollar theatre to see Rent, and boy did it suck? Blow? Oh, it just plain whack! We shoulda saved his money (at $2 per ticket, he was a big spender) and watched my copy of Team America: World Police. The "Everyone Has AIDS" scene was quite an accurate depiction of Rent, which dragged on and on and on, making me wish that I would die (but not from AIDS).

So, why did I hate the movie so? Let's make a list, shall we?

  1. Aren't musicals supposed to have some dialogue? I mean, the cast (except for Rosairo Dawson) had amazing voices, but JESUS H. CHRISTO, shouldn't they have spoken for at least 5 consecutive minutes before breaking into song?
  2. I'm mad at Taye Diggs for marrying a man. OK, Idina Menzell is a celebrated broadway actress and really does have a beautiful voice, but I'll be doggon' if she don't look like a man in drag. Shit, she made the Angel character look more femme! And I think people with pasty white asses should not moon anyone!
  3. Rosario Dawson. Bless her, but she couldn't carry a tune if it had a Prada handle. They engineered her voice to death. Was her voice anywhere in there? If not, they might've been doing the viewing public a service.
  4. I can't see Anthony Rapp as anyone but Darryl from Adventures in Babysitting. That was one of my favorite movies growing up. I actually bought the DVD right before Christmas for my momma. "Nobody leaves this club without singin the blues!"
  5. Jesse L. Martin and that shitty Santa Fe song. God, I love me some Jesse L. Martin. God, I hated that whole scene in the subway where they sang a song about owing a restaurant in Santa Fe. It was just dumb (I couldn't come up with anything more clever to say).
  6. Where was all the AIDS? I mean, there was an occassional mention of AZT time, and a few AIDS support group meetings, but it really didn't make a statement at all about AIDS. I was expectin some quiltin or some more deaths or something. I left the movie thinking nothing about AIDS. I was actually more concerned about paying rent that was 2 years late.
  7. Back to Rosario, or well, Mimi. That had to be the most ridiculous character in the history of film. On what planet is a smackwhore stripper with AIDS a good catch? Really? Can someone tell me where? Oh, and that whole waking up from dying to heard dude's song just made me want to rip my eyes out. I think Sharky actually threw a coke bottle toward the screen. I mean, she seriously popped up like she wasn't on death's door 2 minutes before. Then to top it all all, she saw a white light!!! JESUS, who wrote this shit? Oh yea, that guy who died of AIDS. My bad.

So Sharky and I sat through the whole horrid thing and felt dumber for having watched it. Actually, we agreed that Rent was more brokeback than Brokeback Mountain. In fact, now I'm going to take him to see Brokeback just to cleanse his mind of Rent.


Anonymous drew said...

I KNEW I know him from something! Adventures In Babysitting! I'll finally be able to sleep at night...I thank you.

2/08/2006 12:19 PM  
Blogger Cosgrove Norstadt and Jeff Foote said...

A musical is dialogue ACCOMPANIED with music ie: MUSIC MAN or MY FAIR LADY.

An operetta is similar to an opera but is more popular with subject and style and has minimal dialogue. ie: LES MISERABLE or RENT

And I do have AIDS and I am certain you wouldn't want to die from it like me.

2/08/2006 1:46 PM  
Blogger foxxxylove said...

Thanks for the lesson, but I'm fully aware of the difference between and musical and an operetta. I've actually been in a few (but that was in another life).

That does not change the fact that the screen adaptation of Rent sucked. Les Mis is genius but the film adaptation isn't so great. Having never seen the stage version of Rent, I can only hope that it was genius onstage, but shitty on screen.

And you're right. I don't want to die from AIDS. I'd rather die in a blaze of glory. Ok, that was kinda corny, but you catch my drift.

2/08/2006 2:52 PM  
Blogger Larry King said...

Jon Bon Jovi just rolled over.

2/09/2006 7:38 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

As they say, everyone is entitled to their opinion. My friend directed me to this page and after reading I would very much like to point out a few details in your critque.

A. This operetta is based right when an AIDS epidemic had broken out-so it is natural that the characters have AIDS. Jonthan Larson (who did NOT die from AIDS, but an atoric anyurism) wrote Rent based on his own friends. These actors played his friends.

B. I'm not sure what genre of music you like to listen to, but Rosario Dawson hit all the notes perfectly thank you. Prehaps you should listen to the Original Broadway cast recording. She's not in it, prehaps you would enjoy Daphne more-I don't know.

C. Idina Menzel, I'm not sure what women look like were you live, but she is a gorgeous woman. And I believe her "pasty white ass" is much better than a celluide (forgive my spelling, its late where I live) and acne spotted one. What did you expect? A butt of bronze?
Besides, who is to say what is beautiful or not? It's really all in our heads, a steyotype installed from our youth.

D. Santa Fe. Again, I don't know what your musical prefrence may be- but Jesse L. Martin has an amazing talent, his voice had matured so much from the stage play.

E. I felt that this reivew was immature and unprofessional- using vulgar language, and not supporting much of your dislike for this movie-don't you feel you should have both pro's an cons. I support your right to say what you wish-but it should be backed up with a "why."

There is so much more I could say,how an actor should not just be remembered for one role (in the case of Anthony Rapp) or how you shoudl really look at a play's history before saying such things you have no idea about.

Do your homework next time.

3/02/2006 9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FYI - good try, but Jonathan Larson did not die from AIDS.

Your commentary = nails + chalkboard.

3/17/2006 9:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This review made me LOL, mostly cuz I own Team America: World Police DVD!

Thank God I don't have AIDS.

7/18/2007 6:52 AM  

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