Memoirs of a Card Shark

Card Shark is spending the holidays in India with his father. In his daily email, he said the following:

"Tell [Romius] his site just isn't as interesting (for me at least) without new Cardshark stories. The same goes for your site too. Be sure to do somethin' 'bout that."

Well, tis the season . . .

If Shark had been paying any attention at all, he'd notice that I only write about him when he pisses me off. So, logic dictates that absence of such posts means that he hasn't pissed me off lately.

But, since he's far from home and I'm in the Chris-mas spirit (and I spelled it that way on purpose, suckas), I figured I'd oblige him for once. Much like Romius's post on Osama's Bin Laden, on this special occassion, I'm going to find 10 not mean things to say about the ex (notice my intentional use of not mean rather than nice). Here I go:

1. Card Shark taught me how to play poker. For this I am grateful. I walked away with $150 in my last session (which ain't bad for 1 hour on a 3-6 table). It made my family's Christmas a little bit merrier.
2. Card Shark likes monkeys.
3. While dating me, Card Shark had awesome taste in chicks! I cannot say the same for before he dated me (he dated a 'publican for cryin out loud). Right now, he still has impeccable taste (he's not dating anyone). Although, once he starts dating someone besides me, his taste will suck ass again.
4. Card Shark has pretty hair, and even though he's chubby, he's awful cute (you like the creative way I snuck in chubby by sandwiching it between 2 complements?).
5. Card Shark hasn't smoked in about a week. For this, I am proud. I mean, it took pneumonia, a partially collapsed lung, Nicoderm patches, me constantly watching him, his family guilting him, and the advice of more than one doctor to get him there, but who's keeping track? Good job, dear!
6. Card Shark is one tone deaf mofo, but he sure is a blast at karaoke.
7. Card Shark is actually a very good poker player. He won a $25,000 tournie at the Bellagio over Thanksgiving weekend (yes dear, I should've gone on the trip). I would link you all to the website, but I want to protect his precious identity (HAHAHAHA).
8. Much like a 4-toed sloth (not to be confused with the 3-toed variety), Card Shark DOES have opposable thumbs.
9. Card Shark likes taking really really long drives to nowhere. That may be annoying to some, but I actually liked that about him. We ended up in some strange places, but he's the reason why I've seen so much of Arizona.
10. Card Shark had the absolute pleasure of dating me. Actually, he's ecstatic that I continue to grace him with my presence because he knows how undeserving he is of my affections and overall goodness. What a lucky bastard! I know, I know. This one should actually be #1.

See, I am such a nice person!

I'm not sure Sharky-poo will get a chance to read my post before he leaves for Delhi, but I know he will eventually. I'm sure this will make his Chris-mas season bright, even though he is far away from MOI.