Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Macadocious Finale - Flavor of Love Episode 9

Last time I left you, Pumpkin spit on Trannie,Trannie threw Pumpkin into the cameras, and Flav told Trannie and Hoopz to get ready for Cancun.

While packing, Trannie is reminiscing about the Pumpkin incident. Hoopz said that if she'd spit in her face, that bitch wouldn't have gotten away. WORD!

Off to Mexicooooooooooooooooo!

Trannie knows that she'll be the last one standing. Hoopz hates Trannie and hopes she doesn't win. I can't say I agree. Clearly, crazy and crazy should always be together.

The trio arrives in Cancun where they stay at the Marival Resort. They get a nice welcome complete with sombreros and tequila! They part, but will meet up for din din later. First, the room looks like a dump. Second, they have to share with one another, and we all know they hate each other. That sounds promising.

The ladies are late for dinner because Trannie needs a lot of work to attempt to look like a woman. I mean, she has to shave that 5 o'clock shadow and tuck her dick between her legs, and that takes time! The ladies finally meet Flav who's wearing a green beaded mariache outfit and a big ass sombrero. That man is so to' up, but I didn't need to tell y'all that. Flav feels nervous for the first time in the competition because he knows they're both so real. Really? He also knows that eventually, he's going to have to hurt one of these women when he chooses the other. Pity, pity!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

At dinner, Flav asks the girls what they think the other is still in the competition. Hoopz says she thinks Trannie is fake and just wants to be on TV. It takes one to know one, huh Hoopz? I mean, I don't see Trannie with her ass all over the Internets. Anyways, Trannie says that Hoopz is only there because she's the athletic type. Interesting analysis. Then Trannie tells Flav that she's seductive. Clearly, Hoopz does not agree. She calls Trannie a tramp with no ass and who gained 15 lbs over the course of the show. Harsh! Well, as you probably all guessed, thems fightin words, so the ladies spar, trading snaps back and forth. Flav claims that the fighting is childish, which is absolutely true. But then again, so are Flav's outfit, demeanor, and personality. Again, I guess it takes one to know one. When Flav is fed up with the bickering, he announces that each girl will get an individual 24-hour date. Then he leaves the table. I guess this is do or die!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

In the hotel room, the ladies don't speak, which is likely the best strategy. Special delivery from Flav. Trannie's date is first and she's directed to wear her tiniest bikini. Where is she gonna tuck the dick? I dunno folks, I dunno!

Flavor Flaaaav (in Mexican accent)!!!! Trannie and Glav meet on a boat, but Flav jumps and get stuck. What a fuckin idiot! Trannie asks Flav what he wants to drink. Flav responds "You! Got Milk? Got Milk?" YUCK!

The two lounge on the boat. Flav brings out the animal in Trannie. Like that took a lot of coaxing! Anyway, they head to a deserted island and they get on a kayak. Here's the thing. Trannie can't kayak. She can't swim either. But, at least she tried, so I guess hse gets an E for Effort! Later, the two walk the beach hand in hand. Awww! Or should I say eeeeewwwww!

Once back at the hotel, they head to dinner. Flav explains the seriousness of marriage. Trannie agrees that marriage should not be rushed. Aight. Trannie feels that Flav should pick her because she's understanding and she's the better woman. Flav smacks on his food. trannie looks like she said all the right things. Then she starts smokin and cryin about this possibly being theri last meal. Not only is she a drag queen. She's a drama queen too.

At the end of dinner, Flav gave Trannie a ghetto necklace with "New York" written on it. How precious? After dinner, they go up to the Suite Negrit. They embrace. Gross. They smooch. Grosser. They fuck. Grossest!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

It's morning, and we learn that Trannie and Flav got "very very very close." Trannie leaves the suite and cries her weary eyes out as she walks back to her room. Meanwhile, Hoopz is up and at 'em. She hears Trannie knockin, but she doesn't answer for a little while.

Another knock at the door. It's Hoopz's turn and "it's time to fly." Hoopz and Flav greet with a kiss, then head out to their rumble in the jungle. They do a canopy tour, meaning they're gliding on cables through the forest. It actually looks like a blast. Flav is only concentratin on Hoopz's behind because she was lookin fine. He watched her from the back, and said don't worry. I'll pick up your slack! (I couldn't make this up). Flav, on the other hand, breaks his harness. After a day of swingin in the trees (I'm going to not jump on the obvious monkey jokes becaue that's racist) and they head out for a walk on the beach and a fun swim. They then make out while watching the sunset. "Very romantical," indeed!

At dinner, Hoopz asks why Flav kept Trannie in the game. He says she loves him. Hoopz says that woman grosses her out. Ditto! Flav hands Hoopz a necklace with her nickname on it. What an original gift (sarcasm dripping here). Hoopz, however, gives Flav's gifts too. She gives him an "ass"tray. That's love! She also wrote him a corny ass note. PAUSE: I think she's definitely pretty and sweet, so why on God's green earth . . . oh, nevermind. UNPAUSE. They kiss and go back to Flav's suite. Next, we see Fla straddled across hoopz. I think I just lost my lunch.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

It's a beautiful Mexican morning. Hoopz and Flav kiss, and then she leaves the suite. I don't think she did it to him, or at least I hope she didn't.

Flav is clearly torn between the girls. He sends them back to LA, but he sends them to a hotel. Flav comes back to his (or VH1's) big empty mansion to be alone. He reminisces over the good times and the bad times with the 20 girls. He's buggin out! He tours Trannie's and Hoopz's rooms. He still can't decide.

Meanwhile at the Marriot, Hoopz and Trannie prepare for impending elimination. Big Rick arrives at the hotel with Flav-o-grams. Each girl gets a new dress and do for the final elimination.

While Hoopz attempts to get a good weave, Trannie heads to Nicole Miller for an evening gown. Hoopz's hair looks like RuPaul and Trannie finds a nice red gown. Then they switch. Trannie gets her hair did while Hoopz heads to Nicole Miller? Yeah, they went to the same shop. Anyhoo, Trannie loves her hair and Hoopz settles on a nice red gown that she thinks is ugly. Wait a cotton pickin minute! They get basically the same dress. The hairdo pretty much looks the same too. Are they wonder twins now?

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Flav heads out to get a gift for the girl he chooses. Off to Joe's Gold Store! And yes. I said JOES GOLD STORE. Something in a box starts to glow - 14 karats. Here's the think - knowin Flav, it's not a ring.

Meanwhile, the ladies get dressed and ready to go. I see Trannie has a choker to cover the good ole Adam's Apple. In Flav's suite, Big Rick opens the curtain to reveal the final 2 clocks hanging on the wall. Instead of the clock, however, Flav is givin the bling in to the winner.

Flav gets dressed in his hot pink tux with extra long cathedral length tails, a black top hat, and white gloves. Yes, Flav really does look like a flamingo and quite the hot mess (not to be confused with Hot Mess).

The ladies arrive at the mansion wearing THE SAME FUCKING DRESS. Hoopz looks better in the dress as Trannie's saggin titties just weren't do it! The two bicker as usual. Then Trannie drops the bomb - she and Flav made love . . . music even. First, that's not really a surprise. Second, that's just nasty. Hoopz tells Trannie "any bitch that's gon' open her legs and let a nigga fuck, he's gon' fuck." Well, alrighty then.

Flav comes down the stairs.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Flav says that both are wonderful and special in their own way. He then asks each girl that if he picks the other, will she be mad? Each girl says no because they love him. Good grief. Cut to the chase Flav.

And the winner is . . .

HOOPZ!

Trannie seems to take it better than I expected. She hugs Flav and tells him that she loves him. She does cry or act a damn fool. She leaves with a smile on her face.

Hoopz also smiles (and laughs because Trannie got the boot). She acts like she's excited, but I'm not convinced. I mean, is there really a winner in this competition when the prize is Flav? Then, Flav breaks out the box and asks "would you be my baby?" Hoopz laughs. As I figured. The box contained gold fronts (ya, ya grill. ya, ya, ya grill). Hoopz accepts, puts the fronts on, and kisses Flav. Oops, there went my dinner.

Remember what I said about Trannie taking it well. I lied. She got in the limo and started cryin and drinkin. She just can't believe Flav kicked her out. Actually, me neither, but I'm not Miss Cleo.

So I guess Flav and Hoopz will live happily ever after. He's a black-chelor no more!!!! Hoopz, take out them damn fronts. You look like a fool!

In 2 weeks, I'll recap the reunion show. From the promo, I've observed 2 things:

  1. Trannie gets back down to her fighting weight
  2. Trannie and Pumpkin will take up most of the special
  3. Pumpkin is gonna talk a lot of shit, then run away because she's a lame bitch that can't fight.

See ya'll in a couple.

8 Comments:

Blogger Rudy Zarsov said...

Can I have my own reality TV show when I go to America???

Will you and Molly be contestants??

Will you wear thongs (footwear not undies)

Can you throw a boomerang???

Can you cuddle a koala??

Can you say "fairdinkum"?

Can you skull a schooner of beer?

3/13/2006 7:06 AM  
Anonymous Maria said...

Dayum.. I felt sure he'd pick New York. I can't believe he went to a place called Joe's Gold Store.. no wait.. yes I can. And now I have that Grillz song in my head.. lol.. I can't wait for the reunion!

3/13/2006 7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anyone know if Hoopz and Flav are still together? Usually the reality show couples have broken up before the finale airs

3/13/2006 11:07 AM  
Anonymous reality tv got me hooked said...

I agree- New York should have won, solely based on the fact that she is pyscho. Hoopz was most definitely there just to boost her career. Am i the only one who saw that-on the episode where the parents came- she said "oh shit" when flav came down the stairs in an outrageous outfit? She meant it in a negative way. (at least thats what i got out of it.)Although she was my favorite, I lost respect after realizing she wasnt real (pasting nude pics on internet- oh wait nvm she was covered with a sheet)

I cant wait to see new york kick pumkins ass on the reunion show!

3/13/2006 4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your FOL recaps crack me up! I'm really looking forward to your recap of next week's reunion show. And I hope VH1 execs realize quickly what comedy gold they have here and release the whole series and all the behind-the-scenes fun on DVD asap.

3/15/2006 12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

any one know te web sight of those nude pics of hoopz

3/19/2006 4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Flavor of Love Shocker!:
Flavor Flav and Hoopz are not together anymore!
http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/03/foofy-hoopz-are-over.html

Duuhh! Who didn't see this coming?

-- Trent
http://beatsandrants.blogs.com

3/20/2006 3:44 PM  
Anonymous AJ WOODSON said...

I LOVE YOUR RECAPS...THEY'RE THE VERY, VERY BEST!

STILL, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU FAVOR FAKE-ASS "HOOPZ" OVER "NEW YORK"...YOU COULD MENTION SOME OF THE OBVIOUS B.S. (FAKE) THINGS THAT "HOOPZ" DOES WHILE YOU'RE CRACK'N ALL YOUR MAN JOKES ABOUT "NEW YORK"!


IT'S BEEN MONTHS SINCE THIS SHOW CLOSED AND WE'RE HALF-WAY THRU FLAV II, BUT IT WAS SO SWEET TO DISCOVER YOUR BLOG AND RE-LIVE THE BADDEST REALITY DRUG ON TV...THANKS!

8/30/2006 7:48 AM  

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