Monday, June 05, 2006

I'm no Jesus freak . . .

But goddamn! . . . or maybe I shouldn't say that for I might too end up in the belly of a beast.

Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God

How could I, in good conscience, fail to comment on this jewel? Now, before you all throw your hands up in shame at the following comments, please remember that I believe that it is indeed tragic when anyone dies such a horrible death - even if they do deserve it.

Anyhoo, this Russian guy who clearly threw back a few too many vodka cocktails this afternoon, decided that he would lower himself into the lions den at the zoo, shouting "God will save me, if he exists!"

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Jonah get swallowed by the whale? I sho don't remember him getting mauled - Sigfried and Roy sytle I might add - by a lion. I guess this guy really didn't believe in God because he got the story all wrong, huh?

As I read this story, my belief in God only deepened. I mean, there are a few ways you could look at this, but they all end with the truth that God does exists. Ponder with me . . .
  • God so loved this man that he decided to put him out of his misery, as he was clearly a special brand of tard.
  • God, realizing he messed up this one, decided to put this fool out of his misery at the zoo instead of allowing him to be run over by a semi as he stumbled in his drunken stooper onto the freeway.
  • God thinks, "How dare that bastard question my existence? I gave him my only begotten son (although I might have to go to Maury to get a paternity test because I heard Mary was a jump-off), and he questions my authori-tah? F*** him."
  • God, who is the God of all creatures, decided that the lioness needed an afternoon snack.
  • God thought it would be funny to watch dude get chowed. I mean, didn't you?

So, to all you Atheists out there, you betta watch your backs. You might get mauled! Pat Robertson would be proud of me!


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