Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Have YOU seen his childhood? Apparently NOT if you're either Female or over the age of 13.

Word on the street is that a few of the Michael Jackson jurors are having second thoughts about the acquittal. Well DUH!

Before I get good and started, let me say that I'm always down for the brown, and even though Molester . . . uh . . . I mean Michael left the race (Black and human) a while ago, I wanted him, along with all my people to be NOT GUILTY - not because they're actually innocent, but simply because the system is fucked. So, like a dayum fool, I sat on the couch with my sister and brother and cheered as every single NOT GUILTY count came in. Did the same for OJ although it was a little harder because he didn't make Thriller. Don't hate. It's the truth.

But did these fools actually think Michael was innocent? And how are they gonna be having second thoughts now? Are their 15 minutes about over?

Really, even my legally blind auntie could clear see that Michael liked to diddle little boys way back in the day. However, there wasn't enough proof to convict him. As I've repeatedly said, Mike's a molester! He just didn't molest THAT boy.

So if there wasn't enough physical or any other type of extrensic evidence (look ma, i done used a fancy law book word), there's clearly plenty of circumstantial evidence. It was inadmissible (no way was it gonna pass a 403 balancing test - that's for all my Barbri heads), but it's worth examining.

Let's look at some of the alleged victims, shall we:
  • Emmanuel Lewis: He's the boy of Mike's wet dreams. Webster NEVER grow up!
  • Macauley Culkin: Now doesn't he look like he's been touched inappropriately? Didn't he get arrested on a DUI or some drug charges recently. Apparently, he's s till hittin the Jesus Juice pretty hard!
  • Wade Robson: He's the one Mike moved from Australia to be a kiddie backup dancer. He's now choreographer to the likes of Britney and Justin. I guess he got ALL his moves from Mike.
  • Bubbles: I like monkeys, 'member? But I don't like that kind of monkey biz-nezzz!

And what about the song lyrics (the song titles themselves are telling):
  • Black or White: "If you're thinking 'bout bein my baby it don't matter if you're black or white." - this one featured Macauley in the video. Makes you wonder, huh?
  • I Can't Help It: "Helpless like a baby. Sensual disguise. I can't help but love you. It's getting better all the time. . . I can't help it, if I wanted to. I wouldn't help it even if I could." - this is one of my favorite songs by Mike, and now it creeps me out everytime I hear it.
  • PYT: "I want to love you - PYT - Pretty Young Thing." - hmmm.
  • Keep It In the Closet: "There's somethin about you baby, that makes me want to give it to you . . . Keep it in the closet!" - do I even need to go there?
  • Childhood: "People say I'm strange that way 'cause I love such elementary things . . . have you seen my childhood?" - this song refers to the many children who escaped from Neverland!

Clearly, this is enough evidence to convict anyone in Judge Mathis' court room. This, however, is the real criminal justice system and my strong evidence, which I might add is 10 times better than the shit the Prosecution put together, just doesn't fly, especially not in the judicious state of California (that's pronounced Caw-lee-4-nee-uh if you speak Arnold).

So, based on the shitty case, the jury acquitted, and now THEY feel guilty and angry? Well, I have a few words for these suckers. IT'S TOO LATE, BITCHES!!! If you wanna be mad about something, be mad that Tom Sneddon spent millions and million of your tax dollars putting together a case as thin as Lindsay Lohan after a stay in the hospital. Be incenced by the fact that you actually only got paid $12 a day to sit through weeks and weeks of boring bullshit. Be enraged because you all got upstaged by that grandma who's 15 minutes were up about 16 minutes ago. Then SHUT THE FUCK UP! Everyone on the planet is gonna read you crappy tell-all written by some 3rd rate hack and you're gonna be RICH BITCH while my witty black ass is gonna be sittin right here in Phoenix where the heat is sucking me dry and the monsoons are making me wet and NOT in the good way (I'm not bitter though). To assuage your guilt, buy that fucked up kid a new family and a pony, and leave Michael alone to create more crappy songs like "Stranger in Moscow" and "You Rock My World."


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