Tuesday, December 05, 2006

A Little Nighttime Blasphemy!

So, I got my tooth pulled this afternoon.

Cue the violins . . .

Because I have a prolapsed mitral valve (which means I've got a broken heart for realz) and an infection, I had to take 6 pills and 1.5 tsps of a nasty antibiotic before my visit. I've also got a swollen gland which won't allow me to open my mouth or swallow very well, so I had to crush the pills to take them. Anyone who's had to take crushed pills know that they taste like POISON, or at least what I imagine poison would taste like as I don't think I've ever ingested poison before. To top it all off, I haven't eaten food in about 5 days, so the pills just make me want to vomit because there is nothing on my stomach.

Anyway . . .

My mom sat with me as I took my first yummy spoonful of medicine sans sugar (she's my momma, not Mary Poppins). After I gulped, I prayed "Jesus, please let these pills stay down. Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?" My mom laughed as she said "this is what you get for not going to church more."

Then she asked, "Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?"

This is a funny question coming from my mom. I mean, she's religious (hell, she's the pres-o-dent of her church choir and my dad is a trustee), but that sounded downright Fox News-ish, and that she ain't.

Ever the smartass, I said "Sure I have. You don't know nothing 'bout me n Jesus. I try to lead a Christ-like life everyday."

"How so?" she asked.

I thunk and thunk. This is the best I could come up with: "Well, I like to party just like Jesus did. I mean, he did turn that water into wine."

People, these are the effects of Vicodin. It clearly makes you a retard! Nite.


Blogger Romius T. said...

I forget to check your blog now, but i will get back in the habit.

Funny, with my dad visiting all my brothers and parents have been having "mad" conversations about jesus and the bible.

My brother loves to say stuff like "that is about as beleivable as the bible"

Good times.

12/06/2006 2:13 PM  
Blogger Knows It All said...

I love it!!! I'm stealing Romuis Comment, or his brothers. Its so offensive, just like me!!

12/07/2006 1:21 PM  

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