King Kong - Stop Monkeyin' Around!

So I was asked for the 8th time what I thought of King Kong. I didn't originally anticipate writing about this at all, as I'm sure many of my black brethren and sistren (that word is clearly made up) have probably written about it to death. However, I guess I'll just write about it now so I won't have to give my schpiel again. This does not mean that I haven't enjoyed the spirited conversations I've had with many of you. Actually, yelling "THAT'S RACIST!" is one of my favorite passtimes.

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It was too long: It took about an hour to get to the fucking island where King Kong lived. Good grief! You'd think that for being as long as it was, we would've at least seen some boobies or something (see post immediately below - LUST).

The special effects were incredible: The T-rex fight was awesome. Yeah animal fights! I also really liked the part with the disgusting bugs and worms (although I hid my head in Shary's arm the entire time). However, I think the effects were the only saving grace of the film. Read on brothas and sistas, read on.

IT WAS FUCKING RACIST!: Good grief. It was worse than Birth of a Nation (and I'm soooo not kidding). The story was racist from the beginning. Lily white woman taken by big black monkey. Big black monkey falls in love with lily white woman. Lily white woman loves big black monkey too. Big black monkey dies over love for lily white woman. When will big black monkey ever learn? Angry Black Bitch clearly does a better job describing the racial subtext of the story.

But let me give you my schpiel on racism on the face of the 2005 update. Note that while viewing the film (and Card Shark and Romius are my witnesses), I actually yelled aloud while pointing at the screen "THAT'S RACIST!"

Was there any need to paint the savage native BLACK. And I don't mean brown like me (I would actually describe myself as a nice blend of brown sugar and cinamon). They were black! As in tar black. I guess that was to avoid any confusion over the savages due to some of their racially ambiguous but exotic features. Did I mention that they were painted BLACK?

Oh, but wait. Painting them black wasn't enough. They also had to do the jungle shuffle. Seriously, they were shakin and chanting and ooga booga-in all over the place. And it wasn't that cute type of ooga booga, like they caught a little bit of jungle fever and started doin the cabbage patch. It was the scary, hide your white women and children type of jungle boogie! Did I mention that the movie was RACIST?

And just when you think it's over, you get fucking white actors in black face toward the end of the movie. They were imitation the jungle boogie of the savage island natives. I haven't seen black face in a movie since Bamboozled, and the people doing the black face were already black for real! I was speechless, except for the pointing and yelling "THAT'S RACIST!"

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Now, now folks. I know this was a remake where the director, Peter Jackson, stayed faithful to the original film. But WHY was that necessary again? People retell stories everyday, and they take liberties in telling those stories in order to appeal to the audience of the time. So, Mr. Jackson could have left out all of the horrible racist stuff from the original. He very purposefully did not. So, that either means his audience is white supremacists (who have been known to visit and comment on this here blog - hey boys!) OR maybe, just maybe we're not really over stuff after all and there is very little difference in race attitudes between Americans of the 2000s and Americans of the 1930s. I think it's the latter.

So, I can't very well advise you not to go see King Kong. I did. However, I fully expect everyone who chooses to go to point and yell "THAT'S RACIST!" as many times as humanly possible before the usher escorts you out of the building for ruining everyone else's viewing experience.