Sunday, August 21, 2005

Philosophical Smothering Does NOT Require a Pillow Over the Face

Before I decided to start bloggin, I said there were 2 things I'd NEVER write about - (1) my job and (2) my men. But the conversation I had the other night was so interesting that I thought I'd share (it's clearly a slow news week).
So my ex, the Card Shark, and I have been communicating lately. In fact, he took me out for a fancy schmancy dinner and asked if we could be "friends." I told him no, but of course I didn't mean it. I'm friends with just about every ex I have (except for the one that married a girl that I thought was my friend, but that would be a story for my therapist if I had one).
Sure, we can be friends - one day. We just can't be friends right now. It's only been a couple of months and he was a jerk about our break-up (although he'll swear up and down that he wasn't). Lemme rephrase. The Card Shark isn't a bad guy. He's just a fucking idiot!
So, when he called me the other night and I was into my 2nd glass of wine, I thought I'd get a few things off of my chest. I told him, again, that we couldn't be friends (and I meant it that time). Then, he said something that made me laugh. It went a little something like this:
Shark: Foxxxy, I just can't be in a relationship right now. It has nothing to do with you. It's just where I am in my life. I felt smothered.
Foxxxy: Smothered? By me? You're the one who dragged me everywhere you went. I didn't smother you. You smothered yourself.
Shark: It was more philosophical.
Foxxxy: You were philosophically smothered? And how exactly does that happen? Nevermind.
I'll give the manchild one thing. He's awfully creative. Instead of saying "I'm a big fat commitment-phobe with no purpose in life except poker, Red Bull, and 3 packs a day," he broke bad with the philosophical smothering. After I stopped be furious, I let out a sinister laugh. My evil plan worked. I'd infiltrated his mind! Seriously, only he could turn his issues with commitment into my fault. Too bad i'd go to jail for a physical smothering.
I don't see friendship with the Card Shark in the near future, mainly because I don't want to interfere with his poker schedule. Actually, if you can believe it, there are people on the planet that prefer my company over poker every single day of the week (they don't call me Foxxxy for nothin). I think Card Shark did for a while too, but all that philosophical smothering brought that to an end. Shame on me? No, shame on him! I'm way funner than poker.


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