Who Is Mike Jones?

On my way back home from dinner with 3/4ths of the Not So 2 Live Crew (we poured out some for you Nittles), I heard that Mike Jones song. You know the one that goes about how he wants a girl with a big behind? First, I thought to myself "Self, he's talkin about you. You've got a badunkadunk!!" Then I thought"Self, who is Mike Jones really?"

For those of you who don't know, Mike Jones is a rapper. He's famous right now, mainly because he made his name part of the chorus in his 1st song. (How many times can you say "I'm Mike Jones" in 3 minutes?) Also, he's bringing that horrible Chopped & Screwed stuff to the mainstream. Chopped & Screwed is a mix of music made famous by Houston favorite DJ Screw. Basically, the music is slowed down a lot, apparently to replicate what it would sound like if you were sippin on some syzurp. Syzurp is . . . oh fuck, go read a raptionary if you really wanna know!

So then I thought "Self, who the fuck cares who Mike Jones is? In fact, why isn't Common's song playin on the radio? Talib Kweli? Anyone good?"

Can anyone tell me why our airwaves have been taken over by the Mike Jones' of the world? I hate Mike Jones. I hate the people at Swishahouse that put out his record (and that goes for Paul Wall and Chingo Bling too). In fact, I hate most of the stuff I hear on the radio these days. If I hear 50 Cent one more time, I'm gonna scream!!! Yeah, I said it. What?

And lets not forget my favorite topic these days - Latinos tryin to rap and sing R&B. Go away Frankie J!!! MP Ridaz - why don't ya'll bitches crash? And just because Roger & Zapp did that funky synthesized voice thing back in the 70s and 80s does not make it throwback if you do it now (throwback means . . . stop bein so fuckin lame and watch a little BET)! Stick to your own stuff! You don't see black people tryin to be Selena (and no Palma, she was not the original singer of "On the Radio!!!"), so tell Frankie J that he is not the next coming of Luther. No Es Amor is no es the jam (Palma, sorry for bastarding your language again)!

So, I've decided that I cannot take another minute. I'm hightailin it over to Circuit City and buying a Sirius radio so I won't ever have to listen to commercial radio ever again!!! Who's with me?