Friday, April 21, 2006

And because I needed something positive today, I'll share this one.

I should be working, but instead, I'm watching Dr. Phil, who I might add that I can't stand (I must really not want to work). Anyhoo, he just did a piece on this group called the Urban Entertainment Institute. It's a group of kids from South Central LA who do all aspects of performing arts. Their instruction is free and all of the classes are tought by former students.

One of the founders of the group, Fred Martin (Jackson Browne is also a founder), said something that struck me because of all the commenting on Whitney Houston. He said that performing arts keep kids out of trouble (which is true), and when a child takes an active interest in the arts and they excel, they no longer make poor choices. I wholeheartedly agree. I danced, sang and played softball. All of these things kept me focused and out of trouble - I knew that if I messed up, I couldn't participate.

Being in South Central, you can imagine that the Urban Entertainment Institute is vital for its students. These kids are amazing! I just checked out some of their performances on the website. I'm a big sucker for children's performing groups (I was in one myself way back in the day), so I plan to make a small donation to the organization. I think you guys should do the same.

Check out the Urban Entertainment Institute

Pussycat Dolls . . . for real!

File this under WTF.

Sexy Girl Group “The Pussycat Dolls” Creating Dolls, Marketing To 6-9 Year Olds...

And people wonder why little girls are such hoochie coochies these days. I don't know whose brilliant idea this was (Hasbro), but I'll be sure to run out and buy the whole set for my buddy Romius. That and a new tube of Mary Kate & Ashley gel.

And since I'm pissing Christians off these days

I might as well post this story too.

Gwinnett Mom Battles Harry Potter

Harry Potter has a new foe -- a Gwinnett County parent who wants the popular boy wizard books banned from Gwinnett County school libraries.

On Thursday afternoon, parents and students spoke at a hearing that will ultimately decide whether the books will stay or go.

People who love the books say they are happy that kids are reading the books as much as they are. They say that the books are ultimately about good versus evil. But opponents say that the books with their magic wands and spells are all about evil.“I’m a true example of how Harry Potter books can open your life to witchcraft,” said Jordan Susch.

Oh, but there is more.

I wonder if Whitney Houston would be healed if this woman spent more time praying for her instead of chasing away Harry Potter.

Why I LOVE the 9th Circuit!

In a 2-1 decision, the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals said that a T-shirt that proclaimed "Be Ashamed, Our School Embraced What God Has Condemned'' on the front and "Homosexuality Is Shameful'' on the back was "injurious to gay and lesbian students and interfered with their right to learn.'' The court said that the shirt can be barred on a public high school campus without violating the 1st Amendment. --Los Angeles Times

Check out Bill Robinson's commentary. He's not gaycist!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Guess who's coming to Arizona?

That's right, bitches. Whitney Houston (aka Whittey Hutton by those of you familiar with Hustle Man on Martin) has checked her cracked out ass into a rehab in Tucson. And to pay homage to this once shining star, I've provided a photo presentation. I call it "Crack is Cheap!"

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

A thought for the day

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Elton John was right!

Saturday night really is alright for fighting. Apparently, one woman named Cici thought so when she threatened to kick my ass on Saturday. Let's rewind, shall we.

My name is Foxxxy Love. That implies that 2 things: (1) I'm a lover AND (2) I'm not a fighter. In fact, in my 28 years, I've NEVER EVER EVER been in a fight. And frankly, no one has EVER EVER EVER wanted to fight me let alone threaten to kick my ass. That's understandable, because I'm me!

So, Saturday, I was asked to fill in as karaoke host at a dive in Phoenix. I used to work there in another life, so when the regular Saturday host cancelled, the owner called me and asked me to do him the favor. He's a cool guy, I would make lots of money in tips, and I would get free drinks. Obviously, I agreed to do it against my better judgment. Did I mention that pimps, hos, and drug dealers frequent this fine karaoke establishment?

Anyhoo, I get there and the show is going well. Palma and KiowaQtee were already there to support me while getting me exceptionally liquored up. Then in walks CiCi. She's some short, fat, ugly chick lookin like she's done some hard time (and come to find out, she had) who's clearly drunk as a skunk and just plain annoying. She walks up to the booth and says "I wanna sang Lauryn Hill!"

This is a good moment to digress just a little. I HATE IT WHEN ANYONE SINGS LAURYN HILL (except for me). Why, you might ask. The explanation is relatively simple. NO ONE IN A KARAOKE BAR CAN SING AS WELL AS LAURYN HILL, SO WHY TRY? Did I mention that I'm exempted from the rule because . . . well . . . I just am, dammit. Now, back to the story.

So, I look at CiCi and say "You betta sing that song, gurl!" The Lord ought to strike me down for eggin that bitch on before Easter like that. She replies in a drunken slur "I always do!" I'm thinking to myself, "BITCH PLEASE!" So the vamp to Killing Me Softly starts and Palma and A-dae look at me. They know how I feel about anyone singing Lauryn Hill, so they just shake their heads. They too know of the impending torture.

Cici curls her smoke stained lips and lets out the most awful rendition of Killing Me Softly I think I've ever heard. Seriously, I thought my ears were bleeding. I grab the mic and say "Ya'll give it up for CiCi!!!" You could hear crickets in the background. Did the lack of applause deter CiCi? NO! She put in a list of 5 or 6 songs to sing throughout the night. At that point, I knew the Lord had forsaken me.

The night goes on. At some point, Isa slips in the bar (after we called and texted her to bring her sorry ass out of the house because the GLAAD awards couldn't have been that interesting). I was working and talking to folks. CiCi was hovering around my table and my friends being loud, but hell, it's a bar. At some point, KiowaQtee tells CiCi that Isa is a LEZBEIN. And this is where the downward spiral gets a little steeper.

About 30 minutes later, Isa comes behind the Host table.

Isa: Love, protect me! That woman is scaring me.
Foxxxy: Who?
Isa: Her. CiCi.
Foxxxy: Ok, just stand back here with me. I know that bitch is crazy, but what did she do?
Isa: Well, KiowaQtee told her I was a lesbian, so now she's flirting with me.
Foxxxy: Eeew. She nasty!
Isa: Yes, and she's been to prison.
Foxxxy: Really.
Isa: Yes. She told me she used to sleep with women when she was in prison for 4 years.
Foxxxy: Hmmm. Well, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. HA! What was she in for?
Isa: Drugs. Protect me Love!

So, Isa is sitting in my chair while I'm holding down the karaoke fort. She starts to tear up at one point, but I'll let her tell that story. Actually, she does it quite nicely on her Myspace.

Anyway, CiCi is on her 800th song when I "accidentally" cut it off in the middle. "I'm sorry CiCi. I pressed the wrong button. B-Rad, you're up next!" CiCi was a wittle upset wif me, but I said I'd try to get her in again before closing. Keyword - TRY.

It's about 10 minutes to close and B-Rad slips a 20 in my tip jar. What does that mean? B-Rad gets to sing for the last 10 minutes is what that means. Oh, and I get the last song. So, I clear all of the other singers off the board and start packing up. CiCi waddles her fat ass up to the table. Or maybe ambles is a better word. Regardless, she wants to know when she gets to sing her last song.

Foxxxy: Sorry CiCi. B-Rad gave me a big tip, so he gets to sing whatever he wants and it's 10 minutes til close.
CiCi: But I want to sing.
Foxxxy: Honey, everyone wants to sing. However, we close in 10 minutes and B-Rad gave me a good tip.
CiCi: I tipped you earlier. I gave you my last two dollars!

PAUSE: Last 2 dollars? Bitch, that won't even buy you 2 notes at this point in the night! UNPAUSE.

Foxxxy: CiCi, you didn't tip me and even if you did, you didn't give me $20.
CiCi: My husband just tipped you.

PAUSE: Who knew she had a husband? Come to find out, they beat up on each other! Regardless, that negro slipped a whole dollar bill in my tip jar. Again, that would not buy 1 note considering I just got a $20 and other people had been tipping more all night long. I'm a business woman. UNPAUSE

Foxxxy: $1 is not gonna help. B-Rad just gave me $20.

CiCi walks away, but then she comes back. Oh joy!

CiCi: I just want you to admit you owe me a song because you messed up my other song.
Foxxxy: You're right. I did mess up your song, but I said I'd TRY to get you up again. I didn't promise you anything. Besides, B-Rad just gave me $20, so he just bought the last few minutes. If you have a problem, take it up with him.

I know I can be a smart-ass bitch, but who cares. It's only karaoke, right? WRONG. CiCi starts getting irate and pumpin her fists tellin me I didn't have to come at her like that. I just looked at her with that look that I give crazy people (ya'll know the one) and said "CiCi, back up! You're drunk, so you need to calm down." Well, I apparently missed the memo that says telling a drunk person to calm down only makes them more hysterical.

CiCi starts yelling and screaming at this point. I will say this. Although I've NEVER been in a fight, I don't scare easily at all and I don't back down from confrontation. I looked at her with a sinister smirk and said "CiCi, back the fuck up!" I then grabbed the mic from B-Rad and started singing A Long Walk while this bitch is yellin at me from across the table. I just acted like she wasn't even there, which of course, pissed her off even more.

At that point, Ira and CiCi's husband saw what was going on. Ira came over to try and calm CiCi down. CiCi's husband stood there like a dumbass who looked like he was scared to get beat! Then Palma, Isa, and KiowaQtee saw the commotion. The were all "what's going on?" Then, I saw about 6 men throughout the bar tense up, looking ready to move on CiCi.

PAUSE: Here's the thing about my dive in Phoenix. It's a dive, but I feel safe there. When you're nice to the pimps and drug dealers and burn outs, they always have your back! UNPAUSE.

CiCi is furious. She starts calling me all kinds of bitch. Then she sits down right in front of me and says "I'mma wait for you to finish so I can kick your ass!" SKREAAJREJAKR! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM BITCH? SO I DIDN'T LET YOU SING AGAIN, WHICH WAS REALLY DOING A HUGE FAVOR TO EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM. BUT IS A KARAOKE SONG WORTH FIGHTING FOR? I THINK NOT!

I turn the music way down and leave up the mic. Usually, when I do that, it means I'm about ot embarass somebody. In this case, I wanted her fat ass gone. Remember how I don't fight. Saturday was not gonna be the day to start!

I say in the most assholeish (yes, i said assholeish, dammit) way imaginable, "Julie, CiCi is up here threatening to kick my ass, so she needs to go!" CiCi doesn't stop yelling, of course. She says "I'mma kick your ass!" again. I say "Or I could call the police."

Funny how when you mention police to ex-cons, they SHUT THE FUCK UP. Oh, then her husband wants to escort her out of the builing. His bitch ass shoulda done that about 10 minutes earlier.

Oh, but it doesn't stop there. KiowaQtee gets up and is going after CiCi, talkin about how she's from the rez and knows how to fight. "I'll kick her ass!" She was taking out her earrings, but I don't know if she had some vaseline in her purse! Ira grabbed her and pulled her back to the table. I believe Qtee really would've whooped that trick, and if it were over something important like world domination, I'd let her do it, but not over a karaoke song.

Ira makes sure CiCi's gone while people are coming up to me asking what happened. The kept saying "you should've told her B-Rad tipped you!" Well, duh! I did that. But we all learned a couple of valuable lessons Saturday . . .

(1) There is no reasoning with CRAZY.
(2) I'm not scared of little fat bitches who threaten to kick my ass over karaoke songs.
(3) I'll threaten to call the police in a minute though!
(4) I am Foxxxy Love, the karaoke hostess with the mostess, who does NOT fight on Saturday or any other night. I bruise too easily. Hahaha.

Friday, April 14, 2006


Asians Decry Adidas Shoe as a Misstep
A new, limited-edition shoe from Adidas-Salomon AG, part of the "Yellow Series" and decorated with the face of a character who has buck teeth, a bowl haircut and slanted eyes, has provoked a heated debate about the lines dividing racism, art and commerce.

The character on the shoe is the creation of a San Francisco graffiti artist, Barry McGee, who is half Chinese. McGee, who calls the character Ray Fong after an uncle who died, said the image is based on how the artist looked as an 8-year-old. . . .

No wonder I feel like crying . . .

Omaha Schools Split Along Race Lines

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - In a move decried by some as state-sponsored segregation, the Legislature voted Thursday to divide the Omaha school system into three districts - one mostly black, one predominantly white and one largely Hispanic. . . .

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

And how could I forget . . .

The most bad-ass mullet I've ever seen! You be the judge.

Somos America!

Bless me readers, for I have sinned. It's been 10 days since my last post. I've been a little bit busy. I'll give you all the rundown a later, but I did want to talk a little about the immigration rally I went to Monday.

With thousands of folks in the middle of Phoenix, I felt an energy that I literally cannot describe, so I'm just going to post a slideshow. I will say that these pics do not even capture the magnitude of the event, but I tried (considering I couldn't find anything to stand on top of). I'll also say that my feet and back really really hurt considering I was walking from 11am until 5:30pm.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Flavor of Love Family Reunion

It's the moment we've all been waiting for (for 3 weeks now. Jesus, VH1). Well, good things come to those who wait, correct?

The studio is packed as Lala enters. Why'd they choose Lala. They shoulda chose me to be the host, dammit! Regardless, all 20 girls are her for "The Flavor of Love Reunion: After the Lovin."

Enter the "iconic" and "legendary" FLAVOR FLAV! He's sportin my favorite clock; the one with the black face withouth numbers. He's also sporting a gull goatee. He actually looks like a grown up (save the cornrows, but you can't have it all). He takes a seat at his throne, then gives Big Rick a shoutout.

Lala then introduces the "1 night stands," aka the girls who got cut the first day. Welcome, Cherries, Picasso, Smokey, Shellz, Bubblez. Who? Exactly. Then come the girls eliminated in round 2. Welcome Miss Latin, Applez, Dimplez, Rain, and Georgia. I forgot how ugly Appelz was. She looks like someone's grandma. I did not, however, forget houw cra cra Rain was.

So as the first10 eliminated sat facing Flav, Georgia waxed poetic about how Flav missed out because those girls were "some of the most realest people there." Hmmm. Then Rain jumps in in and offers herself up to Flav by saying that he wouldn't go back after 1 date. Again, hmmm. In retrospect, I do believe that Rain was infintely crazier than Trannie. Flav was clearly better off.

Enter the next 3: Serious, Peaches, and Sweetie. Can we say boring, boring, and boring. I certainly appreciate Hot Mess and Trannie even more now. Anyhoo, Lala asks Sweetie if she regrets callin Flav retarded (in a broke down Jersey accent). She says no, but that's Flav and he's gotta be himself ("or do you," or somethin like that). Flav agrees he was retarded because he kept Hot Mess and let Sweetie go. The crowd roars! Well, tards are special people sent down from heaven by God. We should all love tards. Anyhoo, Lala reveals a "secret" about Peaches - she's a musician. WHOA! REALLY?

PAUSE - If this show is filled with "spoilers" that I (and other internet folks) found months and months ago, I'm suing VH1 - UNPAUSE

So, when Serious responds to being called an "aspiring model," she retorts while rolling her neck and shaking her finger that she's NOT and "aspiring model" because she "already gets jobs." What she can't get is a date. And, if she wanted modeling jobs, she could've gone on Top Model. OK.

Coming up . . . Red Oyster, aka Rat Fink.


It's time for the lady in red - Red Oyster that is. On camera, she describes herself as "very menacing." Ain't that the truth. Also on the clips, they show her ratting EVERYONE out. What a wench!

Enter Red Oyster. She looks like a ho sausaged in a tight and short red dress. She's also carrying a riding crop. Oyster says she doesn't regret ratting folks out because she would rather be labeled as someone who told the truth too many times as opposed to being labeled a liar. Uh, ok.

Uh oh, Miss Latin and Rain start to chime in against Oyster. But Flav stands up for Oyster, saying that she was tellin him about all of the husband callin and stuff going on in the house. Rain stands up ans starts screaming that Oyster was being a rat for her own benefit and not Flav's. True, true. WHOA. Rain tells Oyster to "shut the fuck up!" This is gettin heated.

Uh oh, Lala reveals a "secret" about Oyster. Wait, lemme guess. She's married? Yuppers. Again, I think VH1 should pay me for scooping them. Oyster explains that she was married before the show. Miss Latin chimes in saying that Oyster should've never called her stupid because she was married all along. Then she calls Oyster ugly. Hmmm.

Apparently, Oyster is still married to a man who told her he didn't love her. Flav feels betrayed. Georgia chimes in and says "I bet you wanna take that whip and whoop her ass!" Hahaha. Anyhoo, Flav says his love hasn't lessened for Oyster.

Coming up . . . Hot Mess & Smiley


Lord, do we have to see Hot Mess's droopy titties one more time? Apparently, we do. During her video snippets, they show her entrance, her Blind Date appearance, and her chicken fiasco.
Smiley, on the other hand, was a crying, whining bitch. She's crying about her ex. She's crying when she's eliminated. Man up woman!

Enter Smiley and Hot Mess. Smiley's boobs are perky. Hot Mess's are not. Anyhoo, we learn that Smiley had ended her 4-year marriage 1 week before she moved into the house. Ok, so now I sorta see why she was weepy. She said the show helped her move on. Flav says Smiley would've stayed around longer if she hadn't been getting over her ex.

Hot Mess still looks like, well, a hot mess. She said it was unfair that so many of the girls who didn't reveal their Hollywood aspirations (like Pumpkin) remained while she got the boot for being on Blind Date. Flav says he really got rid of her because she was there for the wrong reasons. "This is my man, my mansion, and my money. Get the FUCK outta here." Good point Flav, but how about getting rid of her because she was to' up and annoying too?

Oh, wait, he's not done. Flav doesn't want anyone after him for his money (what money?). He also tells her "Let New York get kicked out and you can turn that room into a study. I think you better study how to cook chicken." Tee hee hee. Flav falls on the floor laughing. Hot Mess explains that she thought the "chicken" button on microwave was for cooking, not defrosting. Ok, that bitch is ugly AND stoopid (and yes, I spelled it that way on purpose). Flav starts to sing "If I Only Had a Brain."

In the midst of all the chaos, there was one proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes, and her name was GOLDIE! "My name is Goldie, and I'm the best. All the b-boys want to fell my breasts." That girl is a classic. They then show Goldie blowin chunks in a trashcan while Cherries comments. But wait! When Cherries got the boot, she was straight hatin on my girl Goldie.

The audience cheers her name - GOLDIE, GOLDIE - as she takes the stage. She's the crowd fave and a Carolina girl I might add. Lala said she was the ONLY one who never lost her cool and never had any problems. Goldie says it wasn't that serious to be gettin involved in drama, but Cherries needed to shut the fuck up (ok, so those were my words, but I ain't lyin). Uh oh, Cherries wants to step to Golide. Now, we all know how that would end. Cherries also needs to sit the fuck down. But wait, Sweetie steps in front of Goldie to protect her. Wow. The security sits Cherries back down and tells her to "Save It!" I think I just peed my pants from laughin so hard! Anyway, back to Goldie. She's become a stand-up comedian and is loving life.

Coming up - Trannie and Pumpkin. But wait. Backstage, Trannie says "New York is in the motha fuckin house. You think I forgot about that shit? Hell naw bitch. You spit in my fuckin face. I'mma be on your ass in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" LORD JESUS! Thank you form Trannie!


Let's look back and Trannie and Pumpkin. Trannie is hatin on everyone, as usual. Pumpkin is actin like an airhead and hating on Trannie, callin her a "Tranny." How original. We see them fight, and fight, and fight. We don't get to see the spitting episode, but that's quite alright.

Trannie comes out first (they don't want them to come out together). Trannie lost her Flav weight. She says she has no regrets and she still loves Flav. Flav says he saw that she was there for him. Cherries, who hasn't shut up the whole show, asks Flav if he really wanted disharmony. Trannie steps in ad fittingly says "You know what? Didn't you leave the first motha fuckin night? It was for a reason." Cherries gets up ready to fight, again. Again, I fear it will end badly for her. Oh Lord, it gets worse. I should really just transcribe it. Here goes:

Trannie (yelling and stomping like Rumplestilsken): You was fake. Lickin all over Flav. He didn't want that shit you motha fucking bitch. Sit your motha fucking ass down!

Crowd: KICK HER OUT! KICK HER OUT! (this is addressed to Cherries)

Trannie: They're talkin to you!!!

Cherries (as she's being escorted off the stage by security while sobbing): Fuck you guys! Fuck all of you guys! Kick Cherries out right? (boo hoo hoo)

Trannie: Yeah! And yo momma, too!

Crowd: Cheering!!

I'm sittin her laughing my big black ass off. That was classic. Classic!

Trannie says she was contorversial because she was there for Flav only! Oh, you want controversy? Then roll the clip of the spitting fiasco! I know Trannie was gettin heated while watching the clip. It's so gonna be on!

Enter Pumpkin. She's really not attractive at all! Lala asks how they feel sitting next to eachother for the first time since the incident. . .

Trannie: You know what? My ass been on Pause, but I'm finna press Play in a millisecond. I'm gonna go off on that bitch in a motha fuckin millisecond. Now ask that bitch what you gotta ask her.

PAUSE: I couldn't have asked for any better if I had scripted it myself. Did I mention that this is CLASSIC?!?!? UNPAUSE.

Lala (to Pumpkin): How do you feel about sitting next to her after all this time?

Pumpkin: I could really give a shit if she's there cuz my girls are behind me. I am so glad that he [Flav] can see who she really is. And she calls us a pack of idiot bitches? Look how she's actin right now.

Trannie: And that's why you left before I did. Lala, you got anything else to aske me?

Lala: No, not really.

Trannie: Well then. Let me say this. No, lemme talk. Lemme talk. You know what. Wait up. I ain't gon spit because I got way more motha fucking class than you. That's why I'm not gonna spit in your face. You know what? You know what? I am . . . however . . . gonna BITCH SLAP!

Trannie and Pumpkin go at it. Security holds Trannie back while Pumpkin runs like a bitch. The crowd cheers "Flav, Flav, Flav." Lala interjects. Shes says there's a lot of unfinished business, but since they can't let Trannie make good on her promise to kick Pumpkin's ass, they'll each get a moment to say what they feel to the other. Oh goodie!


Pumpkin and Trannie are standing behind 2 different partitions. Each will get 30 seconds to bitch at the other. Flav jumps in and says he loves them both.

Pumpkin says a bunch of weak mess that I don't feel the need to transcribe. Trannie, throws her partition out of the way and goes after Pumpkin. Pumpkin runs like a bitch, again! Big Rick takes the ladies back to their seats. Flav just sits there smiling.

In the midst of all the drama, Flav found love with Hoopz. Enter Hoopz. She kisses Flav. But alas, it's not real love. The 2 have grown apart. Too bad, so sad. However, there is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. We're getting a Flavor of Love 2!!! I'm so exicted. The only thing that could be better is if Flav had chosen Trannie and they had a Strange Love 2!

If you're interested in getting with Flav, call 1-877-hlp-Flav (I wish I were kidding)!

It's been a pleasure recapping this show for you all. I'll see you next season!!!