Friday, March 31, 2006

Flavor of Love II

Thank you Jesus!


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The hos come younger and younger these days . . .

Surgeons Remove Two Fetuses From Infant

BTW, if you found my baby/ho joke in poor taste, you're absolutely positively right. I'm even offended, and I said it!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Foofy and Hoopz are no more? Say it ain't so!!

I'm sure ya'll have already heard. Flavor Flav and his second true love, Hoopz, have parted ways [insert lonely teardrop here]. Apparently, Hoopz and Flav went on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and confirmed the split.

CLICK HERE for Flav's phone call on the TJMS. It's listed on Tuesday, March 14.

Thanks to Trent for the tip.

There Oughtta Be a Law

Wait! Maybe there will be. A friend of mine who works on the Hill just sent this to me.

"H.R. 4968. A bill to provide for the expeditious disclosure of records relevant to the life and death of Tupac Amaru Shakur; to the Committee on Government Reform, and in addition to the Committee on Rules, for a period to be subsequently determined by the Speaker, in each case for consideration of such provisions as fall within the jurisdiction of the committee concerned."

This bill was presented to the House of Representatives by Congresswoman McKinnley (D-GA). Now I loved Pac as much as the next person, but DAYUM! If Tupac gets a law, then I want one too. How about one where me and Wesley Snipes legitimately don't have to pay taxes? Ok, just me - I hate Wesley Snipes.

Anyhoo, CLICK HERE for the full text of the bill I've now dubbed the "Tupac Collection Act of 2006."

Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Macadocious Finale - Flavor of Love Episode 9

Last time I left you, Pumpkin spit on Trannie,Trannie threw Pumpkin into the cameras, and Flav told Trannie and Hoopz to get ready for Cancun.

While packing, Trannie is reminiscing about the Pumpkin incident. Hoopz said that if she'd spit in her face, that bitch wouldn't have gotten away. WORD!

Off to Mexicooooooooooooooooo!

Trannie knows that she'll be the last one standing. Hoopz hates Trannie and hopes she doesn't win. I can't say I agree. Clearly, crazy and crazy should always be together.

The trio arrives in Cancun where they stay at the Marival Resort. They get a nice welcome complete with sombreros and tequila! They part, but will meet up for din din later. First, the room looks like a dump. Second, they have to share with one another, and we all know they hate each other. That sounds promising.

The ladies are late for dinner because Trannie needs a lot of work to attempt to look like a woman. I mean, she has to shave that 5 o'clock shadow and tuck her dick between her legs, and that takes time! The ladies finally meet Flav who's wearing a green beaded mariache outfit and a big ass sombrero. That man is so to' up, but I didn't need to tell y'all that. Flav feels nervous for the first time in the competition because he knows they're both so real. Really? He also knows that eventually, he's going to have to hurt one of these women when he chooses the other. Pity, pity!


At dinner, Flav asks the girls what they think the other is still in the competition. Hoopz says she thinks Trannie is fake and just wants to be on TV. It takes one to know one, huh Hoopz? I mean, I don't see Trannie with her ass all over the Internets. Anyways, Trannie says that Hoopz is only there because she's the athletic type. Interesting analysis. Then Trannie tells Flav that she's seductive. Clearly, Hoopz does not agree. She calls Trannie a tramp with no ass and who gained 15 lbs over the course of the show. Harsh! Well, as you probably all guessed, thems fightin words, so the ladies spar, trading snaps back and forth. Flav claims that the fighting is childish, which is absolutely true. But then again, so are Flav's outfit, demeanor, and personality. Again, I guess it takes one to know one. When Flav is fed up with the bickering, he announces that each girl will get an individual 24-hour date. Then he leaves the table. I guess this is do or die!


In the hotel room, the ladies don't speak, which is likely the best strategy. Special delivery from Flav. Trannie's date is first and she's directed to wear her tiniest bikini. Where is she gonna tuck the dick? I dunno folks, I dunno!

Flavor Flaaaav (in Mexican accent)!!!! Trannie and Glav meet on a boat, but Flav jumps and get stuck. What a fuckin idiot! Trannie asks Flav what he wants to drink. Flav responds "You! Got Milk? Got Milk?" YUCK!

The two lounge on the boat. Flav brings out the animal in Trannie. Like that took a lot of coaxing! Anyway, they head to a deserted island and they get on a kayak. Here's the thing. Trannie can't kayak. She can't swim either. But, at least she tried, so I guess hse gets an E for Effort! Later, the two walk the beach hand in hand. Awww! Or should I say eeeeewwwww!

Once back at the hotel, they head to dinner. Flav explains the seriousness of marriage. Trannie agrees that marriage should not be rushed. Aight. Trannie feels that Flav should pick her because she's understanding and she's the better woman. Flav smacks on his food. trannie looks like she said all the right things. Then she starts smokin and cryin about this possibly being theri last meal. Not only is she a drag queen. She's a drama queen too.

At the end of dinner, Flav gave Trannie a ghetto necklace with "New York" written on it. How precious? After dinner, they go up to the Suite Negrit. They embrace. Gross. They smooch. Grosser. They fuck. Grossest!


It's morning, and we learn that Trannie and Flav got "very very very close." Trannie leaves the suite and cries her weary eyes out as she walks back to her room. Meanwhile, Hoopz is up and at 'em. She hears Trannie knockin, but she doesn't answer for a little while.

Another knock at the door. It's Hoopz's turn and "it's time to fly." Hoopz and Flav greet with a kiss, then head out to their rumble in the jungle. They do a canopy tour, meaning they're gliding on cables through the forest. It actually looks like a blast. Flav is only concentratin on Hoopz's behind because she was lookin fine. He watched her from the back, and said don't worry. I'll pick up your slack! (I couldn't make this up). Flav, on the other hand, breaks his harness. After a day of swingin in the trees (I'm going to not jump on the obvious monkey jokes becaue that's racist) and they head out for a walk on the beach and a fun swim. They then make out while watching the sunset. "Very romantical," indeed!

At dinner, Hoopz asks why Flav kept Trannie in the game. He says she loves him. Hoopz says that woman grosses her out. Ditto! Flav hands Hoopz a necklace with her nickname on it. What an original gift (sarcasm dripping here). Hoopz, however, gives Flav's gifts too. She gives him an "ass"tray. That's love! She also wrote him a corny ass note. PAUSE: I think she's definitely pretty and sweet, so why on God's green earth . . . oh, nevermind. UNPAUSE. They kiss and go back to Flav's suite. Next, we see Fla straddled across hoopz. I think I just lost my lunch.


It's a beautiful Mexican morning. Hoopz and Flav kiss, and then she leaves the suite. I don't think she did it to him, or at least I hope she didn't.

Flav is clearly torn between the girls. He sends them back to LA, but he sends them to a hotel. Flav comes back to his (or VH1's) big empty mansion to be alone. He reminisces over the good times and the bad times with the 20 girls. He's buggin out! He tours Trannie's and Hoopz's rooms. He still can't decide.

Meanwhile at the Marriot, Hoopz and Trannie prepare for impending elimination. Big Rick arrives at the hotel with Flav-o-grams. Each girl gets a new dress and do for the final elimination.

While Hoopz attempts to get a good weave, Trannie heads to Nicole Miller for an evening gown. Hoopz's hair looks like RuPaul and Trannie finds a nice red gown. Then they switch. Trannie gets her hair did while Hoopz heads to Nicole Miller? Yeah, they went to the same shop. Anyhoo, Trannie loves her hair and Hoopz settles on a nice red gown that she thinks is ugly. Wait a cotton pickin minute! They get basically the same dress. The hairdo pretty much looks the same too. Are they wonder twins now?


Flav heads out to get a gift for the girl he chooses. Off to Joe's Gold Store! And yes. I said JOES GOLD STORE. Something in a box starts to glow - 14 karats. Here's the think - knowin Flav, it's not a ring.

Meanwhile, the ladies get dressed and ready to go. I see Trannie has a choker to cover the good ole Adam's Apple. In Flav's suite, Big Rick opens the curtain to reveal the final 2 clocks hanging on the wall. Instead of the clock, however, Flav is givin the bling in to the winner.

Flav gets dressed in his hot pink tux with extra long cathedral length tails, a black top hat, and white gloves. Yes, Flav really does look like a flamingo and quite the hot mess (not to be confused with Hot Mess).

The ladies arrive at the mansion wearing THE SAME FUCKING DRESS. Hoopz looks better in the dress as Trannie's saggin titties just weren't do it! The two bicker as usual. Then Trannie drops the bomb - she and Flav made love . . . music even. First, that's not really a surprise. Second, that's just nasty. Hoopz tells Trannie "any bitch that's gon' open her legs and let a nigga fuck, he's gon' fuck." Well, alrighty then.

Flav comes down the stairs.


Flav says that both are wonderful and special in their own way. He then asks each girl that if he picks the other, will she be mad? Each girl says no because they love him. Good grief. Cut to the chase Flav.

And the winner is . . .


Trannie seems to take it better than I expected. She hugs Flav and tells him that she loves him. She does cry or act a damn fool. She leaves with a smile on her face.

Hoopz also smiles (and laughs because Trannie got the boot). She acts like she's excited, but I'm not convinced. I mean, is there really a winner in this competition when the prize is Flav? Then, Flav breaks out the box and asks "would you be my baby?" Hoopz laughs. As I figured. The box contained gold fronts (ya, ya grill. ya, ya, ya grill). Hoopz accepts, puts the fronts on, and kisses Flav. Oops, there went my dinner.

Remember what I said about Trannie taking it well. I lied. She got in the limo and started cryin and drinkin. She just can't believe Flav kicked her out. Actually, me neither, but I'm not Miss Cleo.

So I guess Flav and Hoopz will live happily ever after. He's a black-chelor no more!!!! Hoopz, take out them damn fronts. You look like a fool!

In 2 weeks, I'll recap the reunion show. From the promo, I've observed 2 things:

  1. Trannie gets back down to her fighting weight
  2. Trannie and Pumpkin will take up most of the special
  3. Pumpkin is gonna talk a lot of shit, then run away because she's a lame bitch that can't fight.

See ya'll in a couple.

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Everyone thank Lizzey McGuire for this one. It changed my life I tells ya.

TAKE ME (the quiz you dirty-minded bitches) NOW!

Black. White.

I just watched it and I'm gonna do a recap. I just don't have the time right now. So, stay tuned!

The reason why our people will never rise up and overcome!

My peeps in NC - watch out for this one. He's worse than Ward Connerly and Jesse Helms combined!

You've got to see this man's campaign video. It's scary alright, but not in the way he thinks. Actually, me and my momma just laughed our asses off at this commercial. Is this man serious?

And if you think the commercial is bad, check out his bio on the Robinson for Congress Website. Can one of ya'll in NC start a campaign against this fool? Hell, I might just do it.

Jesus, this Tom is more embarassing than the Three 6 Mafia win!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I think I found another Wonder Twin!

NerdNoir is officially my long lost sister! Check out her blog HERE.

Natalie Portman Raps

I must admit. This shit is pretty funny!

What's even funnier is that it was on SNL.

Who watches that show anymore?

Click on the photo for the link and video.

Jesus, there is no C-O-N-spiracy against Brokeback Mountain. The real conspiracy is against The Blacks!!

Today, I've read about 5 articles on how Crash's win for Best Film was an upset and how Hollywood just wasn't ready to give the top nod to Brokeback Mountain because of homophobia. Now, I'm usually down for a good conspiracy theory, but this one just ain't good.

I saw Brokeback Mountain. I saw Crash. In fact, I saw each movie nominated for the Best Film category except Munich. Based on my own humble opinion, Crash was better than Brokeback. However, it's just my opinion. I didn't hate Brokeback. I just didn't love it either. It was a good love story but it dragged in may places and could've been about 45 minutes shorter. Hell, I still think the best movie I saw all year was The Constant Gardener, which did not get a Best Film nomination. Sharky will always maintain that Walk the Line was robbed (I liked that one too).

But Hollywood not ready to give the a top award to a gay-themed film? I just don't buy it. If anything, Holloywood prides itself on being "tolerant" and "liberal" (although I don't buy that one either). That's why so many gay-themed films were recognized this year (aside from the fact that most were good). And if we take a look at the tally I did yesterday, gay-themed films walked away with a lot of the top awards, including Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Directing, and Best Lead Actor.

So where is the conspiracy here? I have no clue. I find it hard to believe that there was a real underground conspiracy against a film as hyped and celebrated (it won every other fucking award at every other fucking award show) as Brokeback Mountain.

The real C-O-N-spiracy was the nomination and win for Three 6 Mafia. Now, I debated whether or not I was gonna mention this, but Molly and I spoke about it last night, so now I think I'll write.

I loved Hustle & Flow. In fact, if you haven't seen it, you should. Yes, it's about a pimp who becomes a rapper. However, it's really a story about following your dreams, even if they seem impossible, which is something that almost everyone on the planet can relate to. The song It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp is very fitting for the movie. I won't go as far as to say it's a good song, but it fit the film. So, in that respect alone, the song should've won an Oscar. So congrats to Three 6 Mafia!

Here's my problem. Most of the people viewing the Oscars haven't seen Hustle & Flow. Most of the people viewing the Oscars aren't familiar with Southern rap. Most of the people viewing the Oscars just saw a bunch a black thugs with iced out grillz rapping about being a pimp. Without the proper context (that being familiarity with the film and a little bit of knowledge about Southern rap and culture), Three 6 Mafia's performance only served to reinforce negative stereotypes in middle-America. It's not really their fault. What were they gonna do? Say no to the Oscars? Of course not. It was their moment to shine!

BUT without balance, things like this only hurt black folks (I can't believe that I just said that). Think about it like this. When you turn on the television, what are the images of blackness that you see? It's mostly young people. Usually rappers. Usually booty shakin hos. Usually shuckin and jivin. Usually thuggin and bangin. There are not nearly enough positive images of blackness. Sure, we'll get a character or two on a drama like Gray's Anatomy (which is one of my favorites) but most of the time, the show isn't taking time to explore the character's culture. Now, I like watching videos just as much as the next person, but I also know that these images don't represent the fullness of my culture. That's because it's my culture. I certainly don't think that Molly Mormon in Utah who doesn't know any black folks has that much perspective. And not that it should matter, but it does!

So, the Academy, which is largely made up of rich whities in Hollywood, decides to throw black folks a bone and nominate Three 6 Mafia. Then, they find the song amusing, so they vote it through to win. Great! That way, Hollywood looks like it's "down" with the rap music, thus not racist anymore. Great! Why am I not feeling convinced?

To make matters worse, the only black performance nominated was that of Terrence Howard, who played the pimp in Hustle & Flow. Again, I loved Hustle & Flow, and Terrence Howard could be my future baby-daddy, BUT, the man was in about 800 movies this year and they had to choose the pimp performance? Don't even get me started . . .

In conclusion, stop whining about Brokeback Mountain you brats. It's made more money than all of the other nominated films combined and stands to make much more. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal will go on to have great careers. More gay-themed movies will hit the mainstream. Nothing but good can come from Brokeback's existence. If you look at it that way, Brokeback has already won.

Monday, March 06, 2006

IPod Game

THE RULES: Open iTunes or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is

How many songs?
2555 (and if I were to lose my computer, I'd be shit out of luck!)

Sort By Artist
First artist: 112 - Pleasure and Pain
Last artist: Zhane - It's a Groove Thing

Sort By Song Title
First Song: 'Til My Baby Comes Home by Luther Vandross
Last Song: Your Smile by Rene and Angela

Sort By Time
Shortest Song: (:58) Sex Education Ghetto Style by Gil Scott-Heron
Longest Song: (13:03) Big Pimpin by Northeast Groovers (for all ya'll go-go heads)

Sort By Album
First Album: techinically -School Daze Sountrack (because of the dash in front)
Last Album: Worldwide Underground by Eryka Badu

First song that comes up on shuffle:
Toxic by Britney Spears (fuck all ya'll. it's a good song!)

Most Played Songs:
Seems You're Much Too Busy by Vertical Hold (27 spins)
Superwoman by Stevie Wonder (27 spins)
Erotic City by Prince (26 spins)
Someday We'll All Be Free by Donny Hathaway (26 spins)

Blacks 4, Gays 3 – WE WIN!

So I actually watched the last hour of the Oscars with friends. We ate La Isla Bonita's gumbo (which was really really really good). We laughed. We joked. We competed . . .

You see, this year’s Oscars were dominated by 2 separate yet equally important groups (like how I snuck a lil Law & Order up in this piece?): The Blacks and The Gays. Since I represented The Blacks and Isa and Tracy represented The Gays, the stakes were high. On a sidenote, Sharkie and Romius rep'ed the Jews, however, neither of them is Jewish. Here’s how we broke it down:

The Blacks: This includes any films with a black theme somewhere in it (or just black people. I can’t be too choosy here). The major contenders were Crash which has heavy racial themes, Hustle & Flow because it’s about a pimp for cryin out loud, and The Constant Gardener which deals with drug companies testing pharmaceuticals on poor Africans (and should’ve been nominated for Best Film). Here’s a complete list for The Blacks (the winners are in Oscar Gold!!)

  • Best Film – Crash
  • Best Actor - Terrence Howard for Hustle & Flow
  • Best Supporting Actor – Matt Dillon for Crash
  • Best Supporting Actress – Rachel Weiss for The Constant Gardener
  • Adapted Screenplay – The Constant Gardener
  • Original Screenplay – Crash
  • Documentary Feature – Street Fight
  • Documentary Feature - Darwin's Nightmare
  • Documentary Short – God Sleeps in Rwanda
  • Film Editing – The Constant Gardener
  • Film Editing – Crash
  • Foreign Language Film – Tsotsi
  • Music Score – The Constant Gardener
  • Song – It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp from Hustle & Flow

The Gays: I didn’t have to stretch too far for this one. I mean, there were 3 major films with Gay themes. Capote is about a really really gay author, Brokeback Mountain is about 2 gay cowboys, and Transamerica deals with a pre-op trans-sexual. Goodie! Here’s the complete list for The Gays.

  • Best Film – Capote
  • Best Film – Brokeback Mountain
  • Best Actor – Philip Seymore Hoffman for Capote
  • Best Actor – Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain
  • Best Supporting Actor – Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Moutain
  • Best Actress – Felicity Huffman for Transamerica
  • Best Supporting Actress – Michelle Williams for Brokeback Mountain
  • Best Supporting Actress - Catherine Keener for Capote
  • Directing – Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain
  • Directing – Bennet Miller for Capote
  • Adapted Screenplay – Capote
  • Adapted Screenplay – Brokeback Mountain
  • Music Score – Brokeback Mountain
  • Song – Travellin Thru from Transamerica
  • Cinematography – Brokeback Mountain

Doin the tallyin, it’s a runaway for The Blacks with 7 wins to The Gays’ 4 wins.

However, there is one more caveat – negative points. That’s right, you didn’t think that I was gonna make it that easy, did ya? Mind you, I’m still arguing with Sharkie over whether or not The Constant Gardener counts for The Blacks (of course it does!).

Each time King Kong won an award, that subtracts points from The Blacks (although I’m not convinced that The Blacks shouldn’t get negative points for Three 6 Mafia's win). King Kong won 3 awards, thus The Blacks move from 7 to 4 points. That's a pretty heavy hit!

That makes it a tie, right? WRONG!

Ang Lee’s acceptance speech for Best Director of Brokeback Mountain set the “gay mens and womens” back one point. Even though English is clearly not his first language, that is no excuse for a Blaine and 'Toine rendition of Men on Films. Hell, he might've set back the Asians too, who had been doing quite well with 3 awards for Memoirs of a Geisha. That sets The Gays back to 3.

My Gay-sian friend, however, pointed out that a lesbian won a makeup award, but I refuse to count awards that were “presented at an earlier ceremony” because nobody gives a fuck about those.

Thus, the final tally . . . The Blacks – 4. The Gays – 3!

But aren’t we all winners? Actually, NO. The Blacks are winners and The Gays are losers. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

EDIT - I just noticed that I inadvertently counted Three 6 Mafia's Best Song win twice (I corrected said error above)! Shame on me. That makes it The Black - 3, The Gays - 3. However, I'm still calling this one for The Blacks just because it's my blog and I can if I want to.

A season of Flavor. Episode 9 – The Season Recap

I hate recap shows because they're really just a waste of time and another way for the network to squeeze one more "episode" into the season. Because I am so principled, I will not do a recap this week.

However, I did view the episode, and I might add that I hit all of the major stuff in my previous recaps, so, if you must, please read those!

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
Meet the Groupies
More Flavor of Love Dirt

See ya'll next week for the FINALE!!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

You know I hate to be mean . . .

but sometimes, a sista just can't resist.

I'm sure you've all read about Jessica Alba getting all in a tizzy about her photo being on the cover Playboy. It appears that the magazine used a pubicity photo from that whack ass flick Into the Blue, but Alba does not appear nekked (on the cover or inside the issue).

So, Alba's attorney has demanded compensation for "damage to her image." Ok, here's the mean part. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS DAMAGE HER IMAGE? Jessica Alba isn't exactly known for her Oscar-worthy body of work. She is known for her body, however. I mean, can you name one film where this bitch hasn't appeard half nekked? One? I don't think so. She's made an entire career of being the girl with few lines of dialogue but showin a whole lot of skin.

In her defense, she's never done a nude scene. If I recall correctly, she said her father would kick her ass or something to that effect. But still, what's another half-nekked picture of Jessica Alba gonna do to damage her image? NOTHING!

Shame on you Jessica Alba! Stop acting like this is a sex tape or something (although that could only help your career these days). If you didn't want people looking at your bikini-clad body, perhaps you should keep your fucking clothes on when being recorded.

By the way, the pic up top is the pic that's supposedly the Playboy cover. Mind you, I got this off of IMDB as a publicity shot, which means the pic was put out there on purpose by her representative (and the studio).

You can't touch this . . . or can you?

MC Hammer has put himself "in the mix" and started bloggin! Here it go.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Fever for the Flavor?!?!?

Thousands of you come to my blog every week because, as one person emailed, you "need your weekly fix of Flav!" Seriously, I'm very flattered that so many of you (who don't know me personally) care what I have to say, and in turn, say such flattering things about my commentary. It's made this blogging thing a the best experience everrrrr, so THANK YOU!!!

Back to being non-serious . . . I loves me some attention, and though I'm conceited enough to think that you come to experience all that is Foxxxy Love, I'm smart enough to know that you're really coming for Flavor of Love recaps. However, there are only 2 more weeks of Flavor of Love left (finale and reunion). That creates a problem. I will continue to blog once the show is said and done, but will you still visit? Will you still love me? Will I fall into obscurity like the light-skinned brotha and the high-top fade?

So, in order to keep the love (of Foxxxy, not Flav), I've decided that in order to prove my pimpery skills, I'll start by pimping myself out first. I want YOU to tell me what it will take to keep you here (aside from nekked pics or blood letting). That means YOU get to choose which show(s) I recap next. Any suggestions?